Dictionary of Drivers

Often times, I come across all sorts of cars and types of cars on the road. Certain types of cars and their drivers can, well, be named. I use these names and think of them when driving.

DRIVERS
Speedy McZee
This driver has a lot of variants: it can go from anything to the one who often changes lanes (while signaling, too) while doing anything legal to get to where he or she is going. An illegal or particularly annoying Speedy McZee can turn into the Idiot (below).

Idiot
The Idiot drives relatively fast. He never uses his turn signal, and often puts others in harm's way so he (or she) can get where they're going.

The Psycho
The more advanced version of the Idiot, and the main reason you should pay attention to driving. The Psycho will clearly disobey rules. Expect The Psycho to get in the wrong lane to pass, run the red light (a lot, with no regards for others), and more. The Psycho's car is usually bent up, or brand new. Common drivers of the Psycho are either people from another country (sad, but true) or people that probably shouldn't reproduce. Very few cases turn out to be both.

The Jerk
The Jerk is really mean and will try to just irritate others for the fun of it. Expect a Jerk to slow down just enough so you miss a light. That has happened to me.

The Old Lady (aka Grandma)
The Old Lady drives very slowly in an older car. You're most likely to get stuck behind her in a place where you can't pass.

The Alcoholic
Slowly drifting from side to side in a lane, the alcoholic is often seen on evenings or when the bars close. The Alcoholic may actually be on other drugs, medications, or simply sleep deprived. Depending on their personality, they act like The Old Lady, The Jerk, The Psycho, or Speedy McZee. They're a wild card...stay far away from them.

Road Rage Guy
Born out of big cities, this guy likes to intimidate others if he's stuck behind someone. Once he's free of restrictions, he'll become a Speedy McZee.

The My-Time-Is-More-Important-Than Yours Guy
TYPES OF VEHICLES
The Motorcyclist
A liability for the roads, the motorcyclist is often young and helmetless. Technically legal yet still annoying.

The School Bus
Stopping at the most inconvenient times and places, the school bus is bad because practically whatever it does, it's legally protected. Because they run on routine times, try to avoid them by getting a different time.

City Bus
Far more frequent in downtown big city areas. Less annoying than school buses in that you can pass them.

Cement Trucks
These things are bad news. They take a very long time to get up to speed, but once they get up to speed, they don't stop easily, they pack an unbelievable amount of force, and for all intents and purposes, like trains that don't run on tracks.

I may add more to these, so stay tuned.