On iOS, Jailbreaking, and the Search for a Portable SNES

The other day, I wrote about Macs and Obama. In light of that, me, frustrated at my iPod's continuing obsolescence (what, no Ghost Trick?) decided to jailbreak it to squeeze more life out of the out-of-warranty thing. What I found wasn't a wonderful thing. Sure, there were promises of giving your iPod unbelievable powers, but what I found wasn't exactly the same thing. Besides the jailbreaking changing the iPod's startup screen (at least mine, anyway), it's really nothing special. First off, the jailbroken app store, Cydia. There's no safety net like there is for the App Store, and it resembles the Android Marketplace, a ramshackle place of themes and apps, with no guarantee if any of them work right. Secondly, things are expensive, averaging about $5 instead of 99¢ (and who knows how money is handled). Thirdly, the main thing I wanted, emulators of old systems, was tragically under par. First off, expensive emulators. Only Snes9x is really free, and there are a couple of others that were free, but didn't work so well. Others were several dollars. Secondly, it's slow. To get it up to a decent speed without sacrificing sound, you had to change the screen size to tiny and blocky (at least there's no distortion). Whether using a Bluetooth controller or the touch controls, you have to relearn practically everything if you're playing something Mario or Zelda. It seems like every other time that button didn't work (it's possible it's the controller, but you can see it: it's slow up there). Turning off the sound makes the thing run better, but that's a huge part of SNES gaming. Even my cool idea of duct-taping together a Wii Classic Controller to a Wii remote to an iPod didn't work, because the iPod is too heavy (even the Classic Controller has a bit of trouble staying on). It's also because of programming, as I know even SNES9x years ago ran better on the G3 iMac, so it should be at least par to that.

Well, it's probable that I'll never get to run right (unless I wait for performance improvements), so what other things does jailbreaking provide? I'm not interested in downloading tons of pirated movies and games (a waste of space, really). There is ScummVM, the adventure game engine interpreter, but if there's anything about LeChuck's Revenge: Monkey Island II Special Edition I picked up on the App Store a while back when it was cheap, the controls are pretty lousy (especially in regards to "catching" the mouse and moving it), and frankly, I've played most of the games already, and if I want to experience more I should play it on a real computer. And of course, once you've got a controller (like my Wii controller contraption), the whole "portability" thing is kind of ruined. Even getting an "official" controller with official apps (like Atari and Commodore 64 collections), like this, still isn't a portable gaming experience akin to a Game Boy.

So what if I wanted a portable SNES, with the option of playing other games? Well, there are options.

The Pandora is supposed to be the ultimate in this type of thing, but good look getting one. The Dingoo was advertised as a SNES emulator but it's about on par with the iOS. The Supaboy plays actual SNES games, except I heard it always has a slight high-pitched whine, and SNES cartridges are required. But this forces collecting if you want to do anything: I think there's only one video game store in town that stocks classic games, and they're not particularly cheap (ranging around $8 a cart). These are usually B-list carts, too (Street Fighter II, SimCity, that type of thing). A lot of the best games are way out of league for an actual cartridge. An EarthBound cartridge goes for at least $150 on eBay. Chrono Trigger goes for around $25. This is not good, and only useful if you have a bunch of SNES cartridges collecting dust in the closet (or if you plunk down another $150, you could buy a cartridge that has 2GB of storage on a SNES cart, but you can't run a bunch of SNES games due to special co-processor chips in the actual cartridges). A Nintendo 3DS and its Virtual Console? Nice try, but no: there's no SNES games there, yet (except for a few mangled GBA re-releases). Even the Wii's Virtual Console was crippled with an embarrassing release rate and licensing issues, so it would be a while before we see a decent library on the 3DS, at all. SNES classics Chrono Trigger and Final Fantasy III never saw the Virtual Console until nearly five years later, and EarthBound, which Nintendo of America hates (going so far as to remove the demo from Super Smash Bros. Brawl), even getting it rated by the ESRB, only to pull the rating later and never letting it see the Virtual Console. It's doubtful we'll see such a thing for the 3DS. The PlayStation Portable (which doesn't go for a whole lot cheaper on eBay) has had emulation for years, but it's still kind of pricey. It may be the best choice, however, if I wanted to do that route.

But overall, it's a lost cause. I don't really want to sink a lot of money right now, but I still dream of a portable SNES.

update 3/5: Further research shows even the vaunted "Supaboy" has really stiff controls, was tested to zap a Final Fantasy III save state(!!), and didn't play Donkey Kong Country, the latter believing it to be a pirated console. Another option, The Retro Duo Portable has a peripheral to play SNES games, but the screen is weak and the controls feel too loose (the overall feeling of "cheap"). It's also the newest, not carried by any retailers (such as Amazon). I also feel the need to point out why cartridges have a slight advantage: the Super Game Boy!